Irony

It’s a deliciously ironic treat,

When a celebrity gets heat,

From some show on Fox News,

For expressing their political views,

When so many conservative Trumpers,

Who still got “Hillary For Prison” on their bumpers,

Stay hurling petty insults,

SIX months after the election results.

Sheer Dress Shirt

Getting ready to go on an interview,

For a job I’m actually qualified to do,

Finally a chance to put my career on track,

I just can’t afford another setback,

Figure I should at least dress the part,

So I’m trying my best to look smart,

And as I style my hair and adjust my tie,

My confidence is at an all time high,

When it’s time to head out the door,

I have no second thoughts about what I wore,

Because my mind is focused on success,

And the type of skills I want to impress,

But I don’t get very far,

Just about halfway to my car,

Before the sun hits my shirt a certain way,

Putting my nipples on full display,

And since I’m already running late,

I have no choice but to accept my sorry fate. 

What’s Your Sign?

When I meet a possible new friend,

And I’m trying to tell if we’ll blend,

So I ask questions about their life story,

Careful to avoid details too gory,

And since we seem to be vibing,

Our conversation is smoothly gliding,

But just when I’m starting to like them,

They ask me the following gem:

“What’s your sign?”

*I garble my words like I’ve had too many beers*

“My, uh, my what? Sorry. Can you, uh, repeat that one more time?

*While alarms sound off in my ears*

“You know, like Cancer, Pieces, or Gemini…”

*I resist the temptation to hate and judge*

“Um, no I don’t think so, should I?”

*But bad thoughts are here and they won’t budge*

“LOL, do you at least know what month you were born in?”

*Within his tone of voice I register a scoff*

“Come on, you’re acting like not knowing your horoscope is a sin,”

*So I’ve now officially written him off*

“Oh boy, someone’s getting a little testy! Must be a Virgo!

*My mind’s eye is blinded by blood*

“I was born in August if you really want to know,”

*As my thoughts lash out and strike him with a thud*

“You’re a Leo too? So am I! We should totally hang out!”

*I ponder various gruesome methods of killing him dead*

“Yeah, sure thing. Without a doubt.”

*Until I settle on one and finish him off in my head*